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[24 Jul 2003|09:51pm] [ mood | irate ] Pacifism. I express it generously. I beat the shit out of you if you get on my nerves and it gets even worse if I like you. Then you really get the crap kicked out of you. I think it stems back from my childhood. I was a tomboy in the most common sense. My fists were always bloodied. Scars remain. In my heart as well as permanent marks of the skin. A scar has numerous definitions. Whether it's a scar you feel or a scar you see, you know it's there and it's presence is often overwhelming. Every time you happen to glance at the protrusion the memory of that day, that minute, that second in which you received the defect all begin to float back to surface. You struggling for freedom from the painful sacrifice. Some escape. Some just hibernate motionless and tied. I've always had a system of tangible beliefs for myself. Touch the things you cannot feel. When all others fail, consult God. Don't consume if you aren't hungry. Make yourself known in a room filled with nameless faces. Be that lady dressed in red. These beliefs have always helped me to stay in the same spot, grounded and stable. It calms me to a point of tranquility, yet at the same time keeping me on my toes. I believe this to be a perfect balance of opposing forces. I never seem to know when to shut up. I know this is a little much for a first entry in my new journal. I at least figure it is better than a meaningless one liner expressing my hatred for all humanity and wishing I had killed myself years ago. I'll leave that to someone else. I do dislike humanity though. For the time being. I'm off to watch Doggy Fizzle Televizzle and fill my mind with shit. Adieu. 9 comments|post comment

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